It can be hard to talk about – but jealousy might come with the territory of being an autistic twin mom. Sometimes, it’s hard not to look at other moms and feel a pang of jealousy. You can see other children hitting milestones that yours have not yet, or may not ever. Their lives might seem simpler, their routines less chaotic. It’s okay to feel this way.

Why do we feel this way?

First, know that you’re not alone and it’s very common to feel this way. Jealousy usually comes from a place of comparison. It’s natural to look at other moms and wonder what it would be like to walk in their shoes. Maybe their kids don’t need the same level of support, or their daily lives seem more manageable. Acknowledging that these feelings are normal is the first step in dealing with them.

Social media can just make it worse. Seeing everyone else’s picture-perfect moments can make you feel like you’re not measuring up. But remember, social media is a highlight reel, not the whole story. Behind every polished post are struggles and challenges that aren’t shared as publicly.

Embracing your journey

Your journey with your autistic twins is filled with unique milestones and victories. Celebrate the small wins—like a new word spoken, a successful playdate, or a meltdown managed with grace. These moments are huge and deserve recognition.

You have your own strengths as a mom. Maybe you’re great at creating sensory-friendly activities, or you’ve developed a special way to communicate with your children. These strengths make you an amazing mom. Embrace them!

Be kind to yourself

Practice self-compassion. It’s okay to feel jealous sometimes. Instead of beating yourself up, acknowledge your feelings and remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can. Self-compassion goes a long way in reducing feelings of inadequacy.

As a mom, it’s crucial to carve out time for yourself. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s reading, gardening, or enjoying a quiet cup of coffee, these moments can recharge your spirit and help you approach motherhood with renewed energy. It’s also ok to take a break and connect with friends or your partner without the kids.

Connect with others

Finding a community of other moms who understand your unique challenges can be incredibly validating. Autistic Twins Triplets and More was started because I felt so alone and like no one else understood where I was coming from. Connecting with others who “get it” can provide comfort and practical advice.

Limit social media time

If social media triggers feelings of jealousy, consider limiting your time on these platforms. Focus on engaging with content that uplifts and supports you rather than comparing your journey to others.

Set realistic expectations

Set realistic expectations for yourself and your family. It’s easy to get caught up in what you think you should be doing based on others’ experiences. Remember, your path is different, and that’s okay. Setting achievable goals can help you stay grounded and focused on what really matters.

Every family has its own rhythm. Focus on the aspects of your family that bring you joy. Create your own traditions and memories that reflect your family’s special dynamic. Embracing what makes your family unique can shift your focus from what others have to the wonderful life you’re building.

Feeling jealous of other moms is totally natural, especially when raising autistic twins comes with its own set of challenges. By acknowledging these feelings, practicing self-compassion, and focusing on your strengths and unique journey, you can transform jealousy into acceptance and appreciation for your own path. Remember, you’re not alone, and your journey, with all its ups and downs, is worth celebrating. Keep going —you’re doing an amazing job!

Share your tips for dealing with autistic twin or triplet mom jealousy below.

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