Previously, it was believed that autistic people did not have emotions, our could not understand them. This is outdated thinking and it’s important to know it is not correct. Although your autistic twins may not show emotions in the same way you do, they do experience emotions and may need your help understanding what they are feeling and what to do about it.

How autism affects emotions

Since autism affects social communication and interaction, this means autistic twins might experience or express their emotions in unexpected ways. Some might find it difficult to pinpoint what they’re feeling inside, while others struggle to interpret the emotional cues of those around them. The intensity of emotions can also be a factor, sometimes leading to overwhelm and meltdowns. One twin might be highly verbal while the other is more introspective. One might grapple with anxiety, while the other primarily struggles with identifying sadness.

So, what makes emotions so tricky for autistic twins? Several factors can contribute. One major factor could be difficulties with understanding nonverbal communication. For example, autistic twins might find it hard to read facial expressions, body language, or tone of voice. It’s not uncommon for neurotypical people, that is non-autistic people, to say one thing but mean another. This can even relate to the facial expressions they make when speaking, which can be very confusing for an autistic person.

Then there’s alexithymia, a difficulty in identifying and describing one’s own emotions. It is similar to interoception, in which autistic people struggle to correctly read an interpret body signals such as temperature or needing the toilet. Imagine trying to explain a feeling you can’t quite grasp yourself. Alexithymia can affect autistic people in two ways – it makes it difficult for people to understand the physical sensations associated with emotions, such as a pounding heart from fear or blushing cheeks from embarrassment. Alexithymia can also make it more difficult for autistic people to regulate their emotions.

Sensory sensitivities can also play a big role. A noisy or chaotic environment can heighten emotional distress, making it hard to focus on internal feelings. Because autism is a spectrum disorder, this also means that some autistic people are at the opposite end and focus so much on emotions that they find it difficult to tune into other information in the environment. When an autistic person is overwhelmed by sensory feedback, they might go into overdrive and not be able to calm down.

Social interaction itself is just tricky! Learning about emotions often happens through observing and interacting with others, but if social situations are overwhelming, those learning opportunities can be missed. Because autistic people find comfort in routine and predictability, they might avoid new situations and miss out on these opportunities.

Resources to help

There are lots of ways to help your autistic twins learn to understand and manage their emotions. One powerful tool is visual supports. Think emotion charts with pictures representing different feelings. These can help your twins identify and communicate what’s happening inside. Social stories, which illustrate different social situations and the emotions involved, can also be incredibly helpful. Help your twins identity different emotions they see in TV or film characters. Flashcards or other board games can help provide a visual prompt for understanding emotions.

It’s also helpful to teach emotional vocabulary. Once your autistic twins have mastered the basics like “happy,” “sad,” and “angry”, introduce words like “frustrated,” “anxious,” or “disappointed.” When you see a change in your twins’ behavior, gently ask them how they’re feeling. Offer suggestions, like, “I see you’re clenching your fists. Are you feeling angry?” Have them describe the physical sensations, this helps them connect the physical responses to emotions.

Role-playing can be another valuable tool. Practice different social scenarios together, using stuffed animals or dolls to make it fun. This allows your twins to explore different emotions and practice appropriate responses in a safe environment. Personalized social stories can address specific challenges they face, helping them understand what to expect in certain situations and how to react. And Next Comes L has some great resources and social stories for helping to regulate emotions.

Emotional regulation strategies are essential. Teach your twins calming techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or taking sensory breaks. Creating a “calm down corner” with sensory tools can provide a safe space for them to retreat when feeling overwhelmed. Physical activity such as stretching, breathing exercises or yoga can help calm and relax an overexcited brain and body.

And let’s not forget the unique dynamics of twin relationships. Are they competing for attention? Do they trigger each other’s anxiety? Addressing these dynamics is crucial. Encourage them to communicate their needs respectfully and facilitate activities that promote cooperation and empathy.

Remember that recognzing and regulating emotions is a difficult task that even adults can struggle with! Learning emotional intelligence will take time. Be patient, understanding, and prioritize your own self-care. Raising autistic twins can be demanding, so make sure you have the support you need. By providing your children with the right tools, love and unwavering support, you can empower them to build emotional resilience, strengthen their relationships, and navigate the world with greater confidence.

How do you help your autistic twins understand their emotions? Share in the comments below. Be sure to subscribe for the latest news and updates!

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