Puberty marks a significant change in any child’s life – all of a sudden physical, hormonal, and emotional changes come out of nowhere. For parents of autistic twins, triplets or more, this phase of development can introduce a unique set of challenges. And not just one, but two or even three or four teens in the house? While puberty is a universal experience, layering in both autism and multiples can feel very daunting.
What is puberty all about?
Puberty typically starts within the broad age range of 8 to 13 for girls and 9 to 14 for boys. Howver, remember that this is a guideline, and there exists a wide spectrum of individual variation. Puberty is primarily driven by hormonal shifts, which trigger a series of physical developments. These developments include rapid increases in height and weight, significant hormonal fluctuations involving estrogen, testosterone, and other hormones, and the maturation of sexual characteristics.
Despite being born at the same time, you might find that your autistic twins start puberty at different times. And it’s not just physical changes, puberty also initiates a period of profound emotional and psychological adjustment. You may begin to see heightened self-awareness and independence seeking, navigate evolving social dynamics, and grapple with the emergence of new feelings and emotions. These factors collectively contribute to the transformative nature of this phase of life.
Autism and puberty
Adding autism into the mix can cause many challenges for tweens and teens going through puberty. For example, sensory sensitivities may be intensified by the physical changes of puberty. New body odors, alterations in skin texture, and height or weight growth can cause sensory or interoception challenges.
As autism affects communication skills, navigating complicated social and emotional changes inherent in puberty can be very difficult. Autistic adolescents may encounter difficulties in expressing their feelings, effectively asking for assistance, or accurately interpreting subtle social cues. The shifting social landscape of adolescence, with its emphasis on peer relationships and adherence to often unspoken social norms, can therefore be particularly challenging.
Hormonal fluctuations can also contribute to emotional dysregulation, potentially leading to increased anxiety, heightened irritability, or more frequent meltdowns. Puberty also places increased demands on executive function skills, including organization, planning, and time management as autistic adolescents may want more independence and less supervision.
Autistic boys and puberty
For autistic teen boys, the changes in body hair during puberty can bring about unique challenges. The increased growth of facial hair leads to learning to shave, a process that involves new routines, unfamiliar sensations, and the use of potentially irritating products. Sensory sensitivities can make the feel of a razor on the skin or the sound of an electric shaver overwhelming. Struggling with fine motor skills can also impact on shaving. Start by introducing shaving gradually, allowing time for finding methods and products that minimize discomfort. Increased body hair in other areas can lead to new hygiene routines and concerns about appearance. Open communication, visual supports, and step-by-step guidance can help autistic twin boys navigate these changes with less anxiety.
The deepening of the voice during puberty is another significant physical change that autistic teen boys may experience. This change can be unpredictable and sometimes even unsettling. The voice may crack or fluctuate, which can be a source of anxiety or self-consciousness. It’s helpful to prepare teens for these changes by explaining what to expect, perhaps using recordings or videos. Reassurance is important, emphasizing that these changes are a normal part of growing up and that they are still the same person, even if their voice or appearance is changing.
They might notice changes in their skin, such more oil production, which can result in pimples on the face, chest or back. The texture and feel of oily skin or acne breakouts can be a source of sensory discomfort. Some teens might experience dry skin, which can also be irritating. Support your teens to find products that work well for their skin needs and are not overly irritating or cause sensory challenges.
Hormonal changes can also bring about mood swings and they may find it more difficult to express or communicate their emotions in a safe ways. Twin mom Ana shares that for them, “…the twins behaviors were more destructive. And with their increasing physical strength, the boys seemed on the verge of demolishing the house. There were holes in the walls everywhere.”
Puberty brings other changes to the body. In addition to getting taller and gaining weight and muscle, your autistic twins will notice changes in their genitals. Talk to your boys about what an erection is and how they should handle it. This may seem scary and overwhelming, so being open and supportive can help them feel more secure.
Autistic girls and puberty
For girls, body changes include a widening of the hips and a redistribution of body fat. Breast development is another big change, occurring in stages and at varying rates for each individual. This development can involve tenderness or sensitivity, which can be challenging for those with sensory sensitivities. In addition, this change brings about the need for a new piece of clothing, a bra. Support your autistic twin girls in finding the right fit for them. They may prefer wireless or a sports type bra.
It’s also important to prepare your autistic twin girls for their first menstrual period. The physical sensations, such as cramps or bloating, can be intense and distracting. Sensory sensitivities may make the use of pads or tampons uncomfortable. Support your daughter in what to expect, help her establish predictable routines for managing her period, and work together to find comfortable and preferred menstrual products. You can also talk to her doctor about using hormones to help stop her period if it is too overwhelming.
The fluctuating hormones of puberty can significantly influence both mood and social skills in autistic teen girls. These hormonal shifts can intensify existing challenges with emotional regulation, potentially leading to heightened anxiety, irritability, or mood swings. The increased intensity of emotions can make navigating social situations more complex, as autistic girls may find it harder to interpret social cues or manage their emotional responses in real-time. This can sometimes result in social withdrawal or increased difficulty in forming and maintaining peer relationships.
Talking to your autistic twins about puberty
While the challenges of this time can seem overwhelming, it’s important for parents to talk about them and find strategies that work. Open and honest communication is critical during this time, and it is best to begin conversations about changes before they begin. Utilizing age-appropriate language and incorporating visual aids can enhance understanding.
It is equally important to be direct and concrete in these discussions, avoiding euphemisms or abstract language that may lead to confusion. Visual supports, such as schedules, social stories, and diagrams, can be invaluable tools for explaining the changes of puberty in a clear and accessible manner.
Talk to your autistic twins about how privacy is important in regards to the changes that puberty brings. Whether they are the same gender or opposite, they may have different feelings about how their body is changing and may want more privacy from their siblings than they did before.
Creating a safe and supportive environment where adolescents feel comfortable asking questions is essential. Parents should actively encourage questions and provide attentive and validating responses to their children’s concerns. Active listening, which involves paying close attention to your children’s feelings and validating their experiences, fosters trust and open communication.
Hygiene and sensory considerations
With changing bodies and hormones, it’s time to revisit hygiene routines. Parents can proactively prepare their children for physical changes by introducing new hygiene routines gradually and providing comfortable clothing and sensory-friendly products. You might find that your twins need to take showers daily instead of every few days.
Using deodorant might also be a new and challenging sensory experience. Trial and error with different types such as aerosol, stick or roll on to find something that is tolerable and doesn’t lead to itchiness or irritation.
Emotions and social skills support
Puberty can also make emotional regulation more challenging. Helping your autistic twins learn emotional literacy, which involves helping them identify and label their feelings, is a vital first step. Developing coping strategies, such as relaxation techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness exercises, can provide valuable tools for managing emotional fluctuations. Creating a calm and supportive environment by minimizing stressors can further enhance emotional well-being.
The social complexities of adolescence may require more hands on social skills support. You can help by modelling social norms clearly and providing opportunities to role-play social situations. Practicing navigating social interactions in a safe and supportive environment can build confidence and competence. Encouraging positive peer interaction and considering social skills groups or therapy can further enhance social development during this critical period.
As it becomes more important to your children about being part of a peer group and not being ‘different’ they may want to play down the fact that they are part of a set of twins/ triplets. You may notice that they want more independence from each other, and as they get older it may become more apparent that one or both need more life skills support than the other. Keep discussions open about how these changes impact on them.
Sexuality and consent
Talking to autistic teens about consent and touching requires clarity, patience, and a focus on their individual understanding. It’s crucial to explain consent in simple, concrete terms, emphasizing that it means an enthusiastic “yes” and that it’s okay to say “no” at any time, even if they’ve said “yes” before. Use visual aids, role-playing, or social stories to illustrate different scenarios and highlight the importance of respecting personal boundaries. It’s also important to discuss the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touch, focusing on safety and respecting others’ personal space.
It’s important to talk about how autism impacts on touch and consent. Your autistic twins might struggle to interpret subtle social signals or feel overwhelmed by physical contact. Have open communication about their comfort levels and empower them to express their boundaries clearly. Reassure them that their feelings are valid and that they have the right to control who touches them and how.
Executive function and independence support
Puberty places increased demands on executive functioning skills. Work with your autistic twins to try out organizational tools like planners, checklists, calendars and apps. It might be helpful to break down tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Providing clear, concise, and step-by-step instructions can enhance their understanding and reduce frustration.
What are your best tips and tricks for helping autistic twins navigate puberty? Share in the comments below. Be sure to subscribe for the latest news and updates!
This website uses affiliate links. We may make a small commission from purchases when you use these links, at no additional cost to you. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases.
